I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
