Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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