he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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