my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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