I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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