I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
