Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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