Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
