Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
