he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
