May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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