You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
