Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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