When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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