I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
