I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Holy sore nipples Batman
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
