you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
