She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
