It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
