You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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