p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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