so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
