I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
