So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
