Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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