Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
