Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love accidental penises.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
