Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
