to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
