Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
