Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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