It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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