would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
