I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
