How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
