Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
