My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
