guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
being pregnant is like rehab
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
