I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
