Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Terrible idea I love it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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