my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
