I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
