What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
