singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
