i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
