Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
