i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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