She is in my trunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
