Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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