i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
