I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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