shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just wanna soil my oats bro
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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