this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My feet surprised me
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