i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
