Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
