So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
