we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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