The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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