You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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