I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
