You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
