there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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