I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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