i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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