i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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